JUST HOW much do couples fight? According to a recent survey, the figure has been pegged at 300 times a year. Married or in love, stand-offs with partners is just natural - it's only the frequency that differs. And the house is, indeed, divided on the issue of numbers. Some feel 300 might be closer to the count on a weekly basis - but there are others who feel that the number hits the nail on the head.
For the past two weeks, Dipali Bhasin has been staying with her parents on Barakhamba Road, central Delhi — just 500 meters away from her husband’s home on Babar Lane. Busy at work in office, Bhasin says she doesn't miss her hubby much. "In fact, I am happy I was away during the World Cup fever," chuckles Dipali, a self-professed cricket-hater.Like many couples, television is a point of contention among the Bhasins. "Our arguments start usually between 9 pm and midnight when we sit down to watch television — my husband wants to watch his favourite programmes, while I want to watch mine,” says Dipali, a makeup artist. Another point of departure between the couple is the air-conditioning: hubby Anubhav can’t do without it, Dipali wants it in moderation.
But the Bhasins do have a solution in place. "The first few days I grin and bear it, and the next few days it's her turn," says Anubhav, an ad filmmaker. In the car too, they have chalked out a peace formula. "Anubhav switches on the AC, but I roll down the window," says Dipali.
Just two years into their marriage, the couple confesses to an average of one tiff in 2- 3 days.
"What’s the fun without a few petty stand-offs?" asks Dipali.
Some of the irritants are the commonest ones among most couples — wet towels on the bed, scattered clothes and shoes. The tiff lasts for barely five minutes though. "We disagree over many things, but we opt for a compromise or accommodate our eccentricities sooner than later — after all you can’t have everything your way," says Dipali.
PRESENT TENSE
IF YOU think the Bhasins have a problem, wait till you meet the Kapoors. The divide between Tanushree and Siddharth is over time- management. With a fiveyear- old daughter and threeyear- old son adding to the chaos, Tanushree is at her wits end every morning over getting the kids ready for school. Siddharth, a lawyer, takes his search for the Self just as seriously as his law practice and spends the early morning hours meditating.
"He can meditate all he wants, but only after the kids leave for school. I can’t see why he has to do it when I am readying the kids, and cooking their breakfast and lunch,” says Tanushree, a public relations manager.
Watering the plants and loading clothes in the washing machine are other issues that end up in face- offs.
"Though work is done in turns, I sometimes get caught up with more pressing engagements, and when I request Siddharth, that’s the time he chooses to give vent to his long list of grievances against me,” she adds.
Now, married for 10 years, Siddharth feels that it’s these fights that keep things going.
"Tanu has mastered nagging, so one needs special skills to deal with her. And I meditate so as to get the will power to deal with her demands. We have nearly 5- 10 tiffs daily,” says Siddharth. He adds all is fair in love and war so they patch up quickly.
The Kumars look, at first sight, like a completely mismatched couple in a marriage that’s frequently rocked by ego clashes. If Rita likes something, it’s almost by default that Nitin will hate it.
The couple even stopped going shopping together five years back, but they shop for each other separately.
Their only common interest is their four-year-old son — but that, they feel, makes their marriage based on the rocksolid foundation of love and caring. "It’s a pain going out shopping with Nitin, we invariably end up fighting. He's not interested in buying anything and doesn’t like to spend unnecessarily," says Rita, an accounts executive with a Gurgaon-based IT firm.
Other touchy issues in the household include films and dressing sense.
"I am what I am, it’s impossible for me to become the kind of person that Rita wants me to be. I love lazing at home during holidays and eating home-cooked food. She’s the opposite. And I love sci-fi films, she hates them," says Nitin, who runs his own handicraft export firm.
Among the 1000 bickerings, the longest lasting ones are those involving the in- laws. "There's an issue involving my parents every day and she gets a high discussing them. I just lose my temper and it takes some time for tempers to subside after these fights," says Nitin.
FUTURE PERFECT BUT
THE underlying current of unconditional love keeps them together. "No matter how much we fight, we patch up in a few hours. Both of us are sure we will be there for each other when need be," says Nitin.
With nearly 15-20 fights on an average in a week, Rita admits to losing her temper quite often, "Nitin knows where to draw the line, it's I who loses cool. Nitin is more patient, yet there is no doubt that he really can irritate me." These couples have a word of caution, though. No matter how much you blow hot or cold, just make sure things don’t go out of hand - oh yes, and believe that you are indeed made for each other!
Three years into a relationship, you row for 2.7 hours a week compared to 1.2 hours for new lovers.
Reproduced From Mail Today. Copyright 2011. MTNPL. All rights reserved.
